Plan Z

Over the moon

I think I've spent more on HPT's than on the actual IVF. I have been testing since 8 days past retreival, but unitl last night I didn't see anything. Then.........so faint a line, was it really there? I have never seen one on a pg test, but have on the ovulation test. Three tests later, after holding it for four hours, definitely positive.

HOLY CATS THERE IS A BABY INSIDE ME GROWING.

Now I realize we have a long way to go, and many hurdles to jump. But I plan to enjoy this moment for all it's worth. Up until last night I was formulating plots to go to Belize, do some humanitarian work, and basically open my own beach bar where I would spend the rest of my life sleeping late and scuba diving, then partying all night. Doesn't sound to bad, does it? But I think I like the idea of being a mom better.

If things keep going this well, that is, according to Plan, it won't be an idea but a reality. Thanks for reading.

Snarky

I am on Day 9 of the dreaded two week wait. This is going to be a very short post. On March 22 we transferred three embryos. Which is not what I had planned. However, since we stimmed with 26 yes TWENTY SIX eggs, I was very shocked and upset that only one fertilized. My clinic did rescue ICSI on the rest, and we got two more. Which we all put in and now they are INSIDE ME. Needless to say, C was a little upset and we don’t know why the eggs did not fertilize. I have my theories, but we shall go into those a little later.

In the meantime, of course I am already testing, to see if the trigger shot is out of my system. Hopefully we will start seeing some lines, otherwise this will change from an IVF blog into a getting my master’s/moving to Belize/adopting from Guatemala blog, since we were not lucky enough to freeze any. I’ve been eating pineapple, drinking red raspberry tea, and burning guardian angel candles while I try to agonize through this wait.

I am so tired I keep falling asleep at my desk.

Yes, I am still here (warning: very long catch-up post)

My apologies to those of you who keep checking to see if I have blogged. Well, it has been an interesting month. As you probably know or have figured out, my home computer finally succumbed to the inevitable hard drive killing virus that I tried valiantly to stave off, but I tell you, that poor thing has been around since 1998, which as we all know in computer years is, like, 103, so we shall bid it a fond farewell and go to the great computer recycling center in the sky. Either that or replay one of my favorite scenes from “Office Space” (aka the funniest movie about cubicle slaves ever), that is, take it out to a vacant lot with a baseball bat. Hmm something to consider.

So this post is coming from my work computer, which, hopefully, won’t get me into too much trouble. If my lovely, wonderful, kind and compassionate management and/or my perfect, awesome, amazing human resources chief are reading this, I know that just because of your simple existence as angels living on earth, you will allow me this small luxury of posting about this most amazing time in my life. At least, until I can buy another computer at home, which hopefully should be in the next few weeks. Wow that was some pretty good kissing up!

So I have not blogged, although this is the ideal time to do that, since aspiration is Sunday and transfer probably Tuesday. Barring any unforeseen complications. Which I shall get into shortly. But first, and perhaps most sadly and importantly, I must say a few things about the loss of my dear grandmother on February 9.

My grandma was a lovely lady, perhaps the saddest thing about this loss is that her whole identity centered on family. She is the grandparent that C and I share, and I really was hoping she would be around to see this happen. It would have made her so happy. She was always there to talk to, and although I did not share my infertility issues with her, I’m sure she wondered just what the story really was, or is.  She never came out and asked me, though, which as you may know if you deal with IF, it is not easy to talk about to ANYONE, even those who love you and you are closest to. Anyhoo, she was quite ill and simply could not breathe anymore, spent a few days in the hospital, and then just went to sleep. My sister T and Aunt A were really amazing, never leaving her side. It was pretty tough to get through, and I can’t help but sense that God indeed has an amazing sense of timing since if that had happened right now, this IVF would probably not be happening. C was close to her, and it was hard to know how to feel, we will miss her terribly, but she really was suffering. T went to a card reader who told her Gram was now dancing. I really like that.

So, after the family stuff, the memorial service, the thank you notes, the potpourri I’m making from the petals of the flowers, it has been quite a month. Oh, and I’m doing an IVF with two donors. Little project I should probably tell you about.

I have had a lot of problems with my clinic, like them not telling me anything unless I call 198746 times to find out what the hell, and then it’s a rushed answer that I’m NOT satisfied with. So, in my typical passive-aggressive style, when I went in for a sonogram last week to check my lining and so forth, I threw a very efficient fit complete with crying, sobbing, gritting of teeth and a few well-time threats. Everything has been pretty good since. Except for the entire week, yes, that is seven full days, before my donor was seen after starting fertility meds. And now we are at 50+ follicles and the strong possibility of her developing OHSS. For those not in the know, that’s a nasty side effect of overstimulation that causes fluid leakage into the body cavity, twisted ovaries, stroke, heart attack, and a lot of other really nice things I don’t want to think about happening to my lovely wonderful donor. Ya.

So now I’m somewhere between hysteria and wondering what I’m going to do with a classroom full of embryos. Maybe a lot of hopeful parents out there are going to get a nice donation. I just want C to be okay, and she is flying down tomorrow to get another ultrasound and bloodwork, and we shall see how we are moving forward. Apparently this is the normal protocol, and I just have an awesome donor with the healthiest ovaries this side of the Mississippi. Just taking life hour by hour now.

I’ll post more later about attorneys, gray market meds, syringes, mood swings and my brother’s wedding (those two go together), and perhaps most importantly, discretion. Discretion is something that I have to come to terms with, and I guess I should talk about it so those who do know what’s going on will understand why this is so important to me. Even though I have explained why a million times. Maybe putting it in writing will make it clear.