I am in about five different moods today, some good, some not so good. I think I will start out with the good news and announce that I'm posting today from my brand spanking new Dell laptop! I didn't know what I was missing, lying in bed while surfing blogs and listening to my neighbors thump thump thump from thier FREAKING music which is always annoying me. So that's what covers the happy part. Oh, and I'm also very happy that when I woke up this morning I was still pregnant. Actually I think I prefer the term expecting.
So now I have to worry less about getting into trouble at work for blogging, and more about now having something of value that my awful neighbors can break in and steal. Not that I have been getting much done at work anyway. The bad news is that I have had fatigue so bad I actually took off half a day today. I had a three day weekend, and seriously, I slept about twelve hours each day and missed my family Easter dinner, but we'll get to that in a minute. The nausea comes and goes, and so was the fatigue, but now it won't go. All I want to do is sleep. And eat. Plus it's been raining like crazy for weeks,everything is growing and it's really beautiful in the foothills right now, but my allergy headaches are terrible, and I'm too afraid to take anything. Okay, first bitch session done. Now on to the second.
I mentioned that I missed Easter dinner, which is was fine since I couldn't get out of bed anyway. A really damned cute thing has happened: it looks like after years of separation, my dad and stepmother are getting back together. T also informed me that my half sister is 10 weeks pregnant with her fourth, and my brother's girlfriend is four months pregnant with his fourth.
Now I don't know how to feel about this. The last few years when family members have gotten pregnant, they have been generally kind enough to understand my sensitivity to this. I feel okay with it now that I'm pregnant, but a little worried that, since I'm not quite out of the woods yet, I'm afraid to get too excited. Plus I had hoped to wait to tell everyone until my first trimester is over, but I'm sure T has told everyone. Yes, I KNOW YOU HAVE. BUSTED.
I think that I'm a little jelous, but not in the old typical infertile way, that searing pain you feel in your heart when someone tells you "I'm pregnant!" and you choke on your heart while saying, "Congratulations!" and change the subject before you break into hysterical tears. No, this is different. Being the only woman in the family without children, now, after seven years, I wanted to be the star of the show. Now I'm just another pregnant daughter. I know it's not that bad, that yes, my pregnancy is special, it will be my only child, and blah, blah, blah. But I wanted to have all the attention for once.
I am so thankful every minute that this is happening. But I can't stop worrying, can't wait until next Monday when the ultrasound will silence my fears of ectopic, blighted ovum, no heartbeat, triplets, and will reveal to me that all my worrying is bad and I need to stop it. I will also be so happy when this awful fatigue is gone and I can get something done around here, and at work. Eight more weeks, I hope I survive. Thanks for reading. I'm going back to bed.
Awww darn I was hoping you'd update with good news. Hope all is well!
Posted by: EverestGirl | April 24, 2006 at 11:11 PM