Okay, one of two things is happening: I'm either planning for the babies, excited about them coming, thinking about being huge and googling how to breastfeed two at a time; or, I'm feeling dread about Wednesday's ultrasound, thinking both babies are dead (my appointment got bumped from Monday to Wednesday). Sometimes I even forget that I'm pregnant, and I know everything is okay, since last night I felt my uterus expanding. It really hurt. It's my uterus growing, right, not fetal demise?? But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, they're dead, their hearts have stopped, or they're not growing. Crazy I know, me, the Queen of Positive Thinking.
Then I quickly pray, God, please protect my babies. Let them grow strong and healthy. I know this is normal. But I'm really worried, and I'm going to ask my doctor to prescribe one of those doppler heartbeat monitors. I 'm not sure if it's too early to use, but I'm asking anyway. I know this is ridiculous, all my symptoms are still here, I'm still nauseous and starving at the same time, still exhausted, still sore breasts. No spotting whatsoever. Just paranoid.
As I lay on the floor too tired to move, wanting my back to heal since I pulled muscles two weeks ago, in my mind I'm remodeling my home, buying baby furniture, new carpet, and making biodeisel, thinking getup grrl's mantra, NBHHY (nothing bad has happened yet). I really miss her.
NBHH. OWH. (nothing bad has happened) (or will happen) Thanks for reading.
Thinking of you and wondering how today's u/s went. *hugs*
Posted by: Milenka | May 10, 2006 at 11:36 AM
http://thumbscre.ws
The writing seems awfully familiar to me...
Posted by: S. | August 05, 2006 at 10:39 PM