Okay. The extreme fatigue is not going away. Neither are the emotional highs and lows. I thought I was adjusting, but now things are taking off in a way that makes me want to slow things down.
The good news is, these babies are really starting to become more and more real to me. So much so that I usually wish they were just here already. Why does this have to take so long? I still have not felt any kicks. But I find myself fantasizing about what they look like, playing with them, the birth. I'm so excited to hopefully find out I'm having boy/girl twins. Sometimes I feel so much joy I can almost forget what's about to happen to me.
The bad news is that I keep having panic attacks, I am so exhausted I can barely make it through a day at work, and every day I have crying jags that leave me drained. My sleep patterns are all over the map, preparation for things to come? I feel scared that something is wrong, they are too small, that I'm really depessed, that I'm going to battle post partum, up here in the foothills all alone with two babies. So scared that I'm not eating well enough, or something.
The ugly is that, well, speaking of fantasizing, the sex drive is completely out of control. Maybe TMI, but my God. If there were a man around he would be permanently chained to the bed naked 24-7. What is a single girl to do? Not an easy question to answer. I know my hormones are off the charts, but the question is, is this going to keep getting worse? It seems so. Nice.
Geez, I might as well start the countdown. We are sitting at 17w4d. Next appointment is not for another week and a half. By that time we will be halfway there. I'm getting bigger, last week I really popped out there. I just wish I weren't so bone-tired, and having these gut-wrenching crying spells. I still have a lot to do. I just don't have the energy to do anything but lie here, listen to thier hearts beating, and pray I live until November 26. Sorry I have been so out of touch. I'm trying to keep it together. Thanks for reading.
Hi there mommy,
I to cried all the time so it's not unusual, just exhausting as you well know. The panic over well, everything, is also normal. I cried, worried, and was in a state of panic a lot. I found that this happened most when I was alone or just did not have anything to do. This is when the mind wonders and lets those thoughts and worries in. I know this easy to say and harder to do but when those thoughts and worries start to creap up just find something to do, make a phone call, uh um me me, clean house, play in the babies room. Staying busy helped. Oh yea, when driving to and from work, listen to the radio! I did most of my crying on the way to and home from work and noticed it happened when the mind was idle so I would blast some good ol rock n roll and forget, for awhile, those nagging feelings and worries. And by the way, you eat healthier than anyone I know! so I don't see your eating issues being a issue. And another thing...I to looked good from the back, all the way up to the day I delivered but boy when I turned around look out! I could knock you down from across the room!! :) Talk care and dont worry, be happy. PSS...Get used to being exhausted. Ashleigh is going to be 4 on August 7th and I still have not slept. You should see the bags under my eyes. I don't even need luggage whe I travel I just pack my baggy eyes!!! Love you, Tena.
Posted by: Tena (Bogart) | July 15, 2006 at 12:51 AM