Plan Z

Time to hoist the black flag.

I have a Paul Pennington screensaver, which is a great collection of wonderful quotes from famous and not-so famous people. One of my favorites is: (author unknown)

“There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must spit upon their hands, hoist the black flag, and start slitting throats.”

My interpretation of this is that once all your reasonable solutions to a problem have been exhausted, it is time to get down to the shit. Get what you want by whatever means necessary. A good time to use the phrase, “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” I think I can be considered an expert here, since I did something that probably most people would not have done: double donor IVF. But now that I’m pregnant, I have another serious problem that I can’t seem to solve which is robbing me of truly enjoying this amazing time:

My freaking allergies.

My head is a continuous pounding of sinus pressure;
I have sneeze attacks that leave me useless for an hour or more;
I’m so exhausted I can hardly function (yes I know I’m expecting twins, but come on, I only have one good day in ten anymore);
I’m very, very, irritable, weepy, and generally unpleasant to be around.
I can’t get off the caffeine, because without it, I am unable to function. But I need to stop it.

The nasocort that was prescribed does not have a formulary generic (I just learned what that means). So it costs $45, which I’m trying to understand, and don’t want to pay, but may have to.

This has got to stop. So the search for the perfect medication begins. Automatic voice mail systems will be overridden. Pharmacy technicians will get the glare of death. Medical assistants will be inconvenienced, threatened, and maybe even yelled at. Dollars that don’t exist yet will be spent. Believe me, I would just love to quit my job and stay in bed for the next three months. But somehow that does not seem like something that would be good for the babies. Any ideas appreciated. I still need to try the neti pot that Moxie recommended. And no it’s not an “herb” like I thought it might be.

Time to hoist the black flag.

Miracle monkeys!

23 week update!! The stars of the show:

Just look at that adorable face. I am in LOVE.

Quite the gifted little fellow. Hmm he's going to very popular!

Pretty little girl

Now, we're really going to have to teach this girl some modesty or she's going to be more popular than her brother!

Now here she's pointing up at my belly button. Not really giving us the finger...

This pic bugs the hell out of me. I can't figure out if she's looking straight at me or off to the side a little.

As for me, I'm measuring 28 weeks. Getting big. And feeling awful. Just can't seem to get my allergies under control. So we're going to try some meds that are safe and see what happens. Soon I will be seeing Dr.Love every two weeks. The babies were both 1 lb. 5 ounces. They are expected to double thier weight and size in the next four weeks. HOLY CATS!! And about not feeling enough movement, the placenta is covering the whole top of my uterus, so I can't feel the girl at all. But they boy's feet are low, and I love it when he kicks me. Getting very excited!! Oh, and I bought a new twin stroller. Starting to get everything ready....!!!!!!!

HAND OVER THE CHOCOLATE AND NO ONE GETS HURT

Well, we’re back to the caffeine trauma again. I started with one cup of tea a day at about 14 weeks, and now am up to three cups of coffee a day, plus some form of chocolate at least three times a week. I really want to cut it out again and get the babies caffeine free by 24-25 weeks. My maternity leave does not start until 32 weeks, and let me tell you, I really have become dependent on caffeine at 5:00 am every morning. How the hell I’m going to make it through the day without falling asleep is going to be interesting. I already do the nap thing at lunch most days. It’s just not enough. After sleeping nine hours. Although on weekends, I usually sleep up to twelve hours a day. I mean SLEEP.

Thinking about this led me to come up with the following lists:

Ten great things about being pregnant:

1. Not worried about dieting. Enjoying Kentucky Fried Chicken once a week.
2. Heartbeat monitors and ultrasounds.
3. I get to be cute and buy cute stuff, which is really not my style but it’s fun now.
4. When I get caught talking to myself, I just point to my belly and say “conference call.”
5. It’s temporary.
6. My hair and skin look better than they have in years. In fact, it’s hilarious flirting with some guy who stares at me while I’m driving. I just want to pull into a parking lot, get out with my huge belly, and offer him my phone number.
7. Not having to be depressed about infertility ever again.
8. Sleep. The next time I’ll get to sleep like this is when I’m dead.
9. Feeling like I’m part of an exclusive club that I was denied membership to for years. It’s like all of a sudden I don’t have to sit at the back of the bus anymore.
10. Knowing two angels will be with me at the end of all this. Fantasizing about all the fun we’re going to have.

Ten crappy things about being pregnant:

1. Sheer terror.
2. New and interesting bodily functions as my organs get smashed into my spine.
3. Not being able to do anything about my allergies.
4. Gut-wrenching crying spells because I can’t get a package open, can’t find my chap stick or am so exhausted I can’t even fix dinner.
5. Having someone who’s support and caring you never questioned suddenly vanish and won’t even talk to you anymore (you know who you are).
6. Sheer terror. Oh. I already said that.
7. Counting the days, hours and minutes until you go on maternity leave.
8. Not being able to eat salmon because I can’t find the Alaskan wild, which is supposed to be the lowest mercury-laden kind, or a rare steak because of toxoplasmosis.
9. Drinking so much milk I’m considering buying my own cow. I’m sure it’s not helping the allergy situation, but I can’t bring myself to stop. I am starving 24/7.
10. Being closer to God, but only because I beg Him to stop me from murdering this assclown in front of me driving 37 miles per hour all the way to town.

So, things are great and they are sucky too. I am SOOO glad I never have to do this again. But I’m grateful I finally get to experience it. To be honest with you, other than knowing the details of this prenatal experience, as opposed to not knowing, as in adoption, I really did not feel cheated about missing out on a pregnancy. Every mother I know has told me it was totally overrated. I do enjoy feeling the babies move, when they do, which is not much yet, and I’m pretty upset about that. I hope to find on the 16^th that they are just in weird positions or something and not too small or have something wrong with them that they are not moving enough. Everything I’ve read tells me they should be doing calisthenics by now. I just get a strange pain now and then. Although I did feel what I thought might be a whole baby somersaulting last night while lying on my side. So I think we’re okay. Plus the Doppler tells me their heartbeats are strong and it fades in and out, so I know they are floating and moving around.

Oh, and one more great thing about being pregnant: exposing my kids to the joys of classic rock while their ears are still developing. I can see their little eyes rolling already.

Hilarious

"What my future would be without children."

The great stretch mark controversy

Well, it hasn’t happened yet. Here’s proof:

But we are only at 21 weeks, now. Here’s what I looked like at 14 weeks:

I have been faithfully using the Palmer’s cocoa butter for stretch marks twice a day since about then. I put it on after I listen to the babies’ heartbeats, which I have been using aloe vera gel to conduct the Doppler with. So, between the cocoa butter and the aloe vera, we are hoping, hoping, hoping, that these nasty things will not show up.

Although I have been told on the Net and in person, that it may not make a snip of difference. Some have said that it’s all genetic, which would be bad, since Mom had plenty. However, she was a redhead with possibly the fairest skin I have ever seen. T, on the other hand, has had none with three singleton pregnancies, after using the Palmer’s. My niece, at 19, many, many, many. So I’m really starting to think it’s a crapshoot.

I still feel like I have a nice layer of fat between my skin and my ever stretching uterus, but I have this sinking feeling that’s about to change abruptly. The babies weigh less than a pound apiece right now, and they are expected to reach SIX pounds apiece. Does this mean I am going to be six times bigger? Holy cats. I guess all I can do is hope.

When I was a teen, I was very skinny with no breasts until the summer I turned 15, then within a matter of weeks I had hips and breasts. I still have stretch marks on my hips from that event. But my pretty belly! Still pristine, unless you count the appendectomy scar. I also have to face the fact that I may have a nice C-section scar as well. But one body beauty issue trauma at a time.

I hope to keep up the belly shots from now on for you to gloat at my soon to be enormous size. Glad I’m only doing this once! Thanks for reading.