Plan Z

Hypothetically speaking, of course

Okay. let's say you are driving to your brother's in the morning, and you spot a Starbuck's with a drive-thru. Your babies are in the back, fast asleep, and have just been changed, fed, and burped; and this is thier regular naptime. You pull into the drive-thru and see it has two vehicles in front of you. Just as you are pulling in two things happen: two more vehicles immediately pull in behind you, and your baby boy begins to fuss.

Within seconds he begins to cry; then scream -  the full-on trauma variety of screaming; red-faced, shaking, scared to death and has lost touch with reality. The cars in front of you are not moving, as the minutes tick by. You get more and more upset; your boy gets louder and more traumatized, which causes you to begin crying also. The car in front of you turns off his engine, obviously you are going to be sitting here for awhile. What do you do?

A. Let him scream. He'll be all right no matter how long you have to wait.

B. Get out, ask people in the vehicles behind you to back up and let you out. By this time there are more than two. Realize this will probably take as long as A.

C. Get out, ask the people in front of you to move so you can get out. Ask the drive thru barista wtf takes so long, you have been waiting for ten minutes. This will also take as long as A.

D. Turn off the engine, get out, take the car seat out, get your baby into your arms and comfort him, just as the cars in front of you start moving. Realize that you're doing this in full view of everyone, and that you are going to be compared to this woman:

E. Nothing, since I wouldn't have taken the chance of getting into this situation in the first place, knowing that Murphy's Law applies when it comes to babies and drive-thru's.

Note: your addiction to caffiene in general and Starbuck's in particular should have no bearing on your answer. Of course it wouldn't for me.

I'll let you know which one I would have done, you know, in case it ever happened to me, in an edit later. Just curious as to what you might think. Thanks for reading!

ETA: I chose D. I just could not stand to hear him crying like that, this little one goes from 0-60 in 2.5 milliseconds. I also thought maybe something had happened to hurt him, although I couldn't imagine what, maybe his leg got jammed somehow in the carseat straps, or a bug or something had gotten into the car and bitten him, just wild things going through my mind that something was wrong. I have gotten lots of advice from many folks since I had them but one thing seems consistent: follow your instincts. If you think something is wrong, check it out and fix it.

When I finally got to the barista window, she said with the ultimate rudeness, "Just so you know, the lady in front of you called 911 because you took your baby out of the carseat." When I told her I did not realize it was going to take 23 minutes (yes I was watching the clock), I would not have pulled in in the first place. She informed me that it was only 8 minutes (it wasn't). I told her with tears in my eyes, that I would not even let my baby scream for 8 minutes. He was sitting happily in my lap and gave her the sweetest look. We pulled immediately into the nearest parking space and I returned him to his seat.

I can see if I drove off into traffic like that. But of course I didn't. I also managed to evade the onslaught of police action, arrest, and subsequent CPS confiscation of my children, since I'm such a horrible mother. It just makes me laugh, if these people only knew how neurotically overprotective I am, they would give me a medal. Thanks for your comments and emails.

I could get used to this

The cuteness Does. Not. Stop.

It just goes on and on.

Plus a tear jerking video

They say the truth will set you free

OK, so my big thing about this donor business is telling the truth. But after today, I think I need to be selective about who I tell the truth TO. It’s actually kind of funny, but I know I need to get used to dealing with shocked people when they realize what I’ve done to become a parent.

Now, I live in a VERY small town. We have one stop sign. Mostly elderly people and commuters, like me. Plus a lot of white trash. Meaning drug dealers and users who are either on welfare or just plain poor. I came from the nearest city, population 300,000, where I still hold a full-time job (if I, in fact, decide to return to work at some point in the future). Needless to say things aren’t too progressive around here. The lady that owns the grocery store is the town gossip. She knows everything that happens here. She’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but has an annoying way of asking very personal questions and so forth in front of perfect strangers, so after awhile I stopped going in there. Besides, the prices are sky high and not the best quality. And she was openly flirting with Jagoff when he was around, it bothered both of us. So we started shopping at the next hitching post up, about 5 miles away. When he was gone, I got tired of her nosiness, so I had not been in there for at least two years.

But when I went in there today, desperate for milk and chocolate (I am a milkoholic and since I had the babes can’t stop eating chocolate), I had assumed she had heard I was pregnant. Few people know, but I’m sure everyone who does is wondering who the father is, especially since JO was very social and knew everyone in town. Well, she was stumbling over herself with questions. When I told her I used a sperm donor to have the babies, she went dead silent. I laugh when I think about the look on her face. She looked at me like I had some horrible contagious disease. "A sperm bank? What is that?" So I had to explain to her what a sperm bank was and she got the most distasteful look on her face. It was obviously grossing her out. People in line were looking down at the floor, at the chip rack, the rows of canned food, anything but me and the twins. It was as if we were contaminating the whole place with uncomfortable-ness. So I just smiled and left. I took my demon spawn and went home to remain isolated from society for the rest of our stay in this Realm of the Dark Ages.

I never even got into the whole egg donor status of my twin’s existence. Boy that would really freak them out. It’s just a shame that, living in California, you would think people would be more open minded and progressive. But there are places in this state where people are as conservative as they come. The Central Valley is redder than any Red State on the map. I guess I should make it my business to educate the judgmental about the details of my unique situation. But frankly, it’s none of their business. I much more prefer those who say congratulations, and offer me a warm handshake, saying they are happy the twins were born healthy.

One thing that keeps me on the humorous side of things is this: I come from a poor family. I am the first to graduate from college, but I live here in my mother’s home (she passed in 99) which is paid for, but yes, it is a trailer in a trailer park. I stay here because I love the country, and the cost is so low it will enable me to stay home with the babies as long as I want. So the joke is: I’ve spent most of my life trying to overcome this Okie stigma I was born into, but...

I had my cousin’s babies and I don’t know who the father is. (Insert laughter here)

I think that’s going to be my line when someone asks me how I got into this situation, especially when it’s none of their business. I love shock value. Thanks for reading.

National Delurking Week

According to Cecily, it's time to come out of the digital closet. I know my loyal followers are few, but I know you're out there from my Sitemeter. Drop me a line! Or, if you don't want to comment, email me. I'm especially interested in hearing from those in my native California, and those interested or involved in donor issues.

I have some pretty sensitive posts coming in the next few months, I know I 've been saying that for awhile, but now I'm getting into the whole world of donor issues. Some really great links over there to the left, and more are coming. Some of my posts will be password-protected, so if you want to read, you should email me for access.

My first question about sperm donors is: Why do they call them donors when these guys are getting $50-100 per money shot, and it cost me $1000 for two vials, which included profiles, pictures, registration, etc.?  My egg donor did not get anything but a trip to California, dinner out, and some homeade gifts. Doesn't the term donor imply that this material is free? I'm just sayin'.

Yes, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up....

Six weeks old!

My pretty little Tori

Dylan reading the stock pages

And a video clip. Dylan is only 2 weeks old in the video. Try to ignore my inane baby talk. My apologies.

Two monkeys

More pics in the link on the left. When I get done burping my boy. I tried my best to get some shots of them smiling, but it's hard to catch. Thanks for reading!

Murphy’s Laws of Twins (Part 1)

The same baby who will not be awakened by his screaming twin inches away will be awakened by a creaking door.

The time interval that both twins are happy and not crying is inversely proportional to the time spent settling them down.

The moment both twins are asleep and you have made yourself comfortable in your own bed is the same moment one begins to cry.

You wonder if someone has put a hit out on the person who was cruel enough to put snaps on a sleeper. You do this wondering at three o clock in the morning when changing a wet baby.

You think that anyone who actually had their twins on the same feeding or sleeping schedule for more than a day is either lying or illegally drugging one of their babies.

You still type with and surf the net with one hand, but not for the same reason you used to before you had twins.

For boy/girl twins, you know you have gotten over the new parent phase when you dress your boy in pink or something with flowers on it, or swaddle your girl in a blue receiving blanket with footballs on it.

You can burp one while feeding the other.

The only thing more beautiful than watching one sleeping is watching both sleeping. Or smiling.

You wonder why someone hasn’t invented a double sling or carrier. Or if they have, why you don’t have one.

Holding two calm babies at the same time is so heavenly. Holding two squirming babies at the same time requires a serious learning curve.

Your arms are getting a workout that never happened when you went to the gym. Lifting babies and carriers times two has toned them quite nicely.

You're already mixing up thier names and they are only five weeks old.

Two words: frozen dinners.

You wonder what they are saying to each other as they lie together in their crib face to face cooing.

To be continued....

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I don’t get it. This is easy. Everyone and everything I’ve read has told me I should be extremely stressed by now. That I should be crazy from lack of sleep and tearing my hair out from all the crying. But I feel great. Compared to the pregnancy and the c-section, this is a breeze.

The worst stress I’ve ever gone through is my junior year in college. My car was not running, and I had been riding my bike for about a year. I was working part time, and carrying 16 units. I rode my bike round trip 10 miles a day to school and work in freezing weather, chasing buses (this is where you wait for a bus that has bike racks, and if the racks are full, you chase it to the next stop praying that someone will get off). I was very broke, and living on coffee, top ramen, popcorn, and fruit I stole from the campus cafeteria. JO was of some help, when he was not being a drunken, jealous freak. Finals weeks was the deepest hell I’ve ever experienced, and I still managed to pull off a 3. 2 for that semester. Caring for two infants is Disneyland compared to that.

I guess it’s because this is all I have to do. I have the house organized in such a way that if I keep everything in its place, things run pretty smoothly. It is not spotless, and that’s fine. I don’t have other children to care for, or have to cook dinner for my husband. I have not had a lot of visitors, just a few neighbors and my landlady, and other than a friend going with me to the Dr. for my two week checkup, have had no help at all since I got home from the hospital.

I couldn’t be happier. I sleep when they sleep, and when they nap, I clean, shower, eat, blog, talk on the phone, and seem to be adjusting nicely. I see or talk to someone every day, put on makeup, and am feeling better and better.

I don’t get upset when they are both crying at the same time. I simply change, swaddle, and get one set up feeding, then take care of the other. Maybe because these two are my first, it just does not seem as overwhelming as everyone says. No singleton to compare having two with. Maybe because I’m older, and more patient. People ask, "You have help, right?" I always say yes. But I have not accepted any help, though many friends have offered, and I already have two nannies I’ve interviewed and reference-checked who are available almost anytime (I can’t really afford them anyway). I think this is one of the reasons I was so stressed during the pregnancy. I was told it would be worse once they got here. But it’s not. It’s better. I get to play with them, sing to them, hold them, and watch them while they are sleeping. I do cry, but now it’s from joy and pure amazement. They are just so fascinating. When I was still in the hospital, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer came on and I started crying thinking, now I get to watch all those Christmas specials!! How sweet.

Yes some of it has been stressful. But believe me, the pregnancy was much worse. I simply did not have the energy to do anything, and now that energy is coming back. I sleep about 10 hours a day, and granted, I am not getting that deep sleep since it’s only two hours at a time, I feel better than when I was carrying them, exhausted, fighting heartburn and extreme itching. I am getting much more and better sleep now. And my hormones seem to be stabilizing somewhat.

We travel well. We have already been to the pediatrician, the mall for Christmas pictures, the grocery store, and by my office and to friends and family visiting, including C who came for a Christmas visit, and of course, fell in love. I think from all those years of field work handling the logistics of getting around with twins is manageable. It’s the attention they attract. That’s what will take some adjusting to.

Seriously, the worst thing has been a lot of back pain since I can’t yet stand up straight and strange right shoulder pain I can’t figure out. And of course my c-section incision. That and I was pretty upset about not being able to nurse, but I’m already over that. It only means I can have coffee every day now ;-)

We have our own little world up here. It’s all very cozy, we had the tree up and the stockings hung. My cats are happy with the whole situation, Spooky being a little curious and jealous at first, but now is accepting. She even cries when they cry as if to say, "Help them! Something’s wrong!" It’s all very sweet.

So all that stress during pregnancy was wasted. That’s when I really needed help, not now. Just getting from the couch to the bed was a chore, much less grocery shopping. Now I have enough energy to manage them both and groceries too. My arms are really getting pumped. Hm. Interesting.

So...am I missing something, or is it just that I’m too happy to be stressed? Thanks for reading.