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January 20, 2007



I know what you mean about being careful. I told a good friend my master plan for getting pregnant and she said in a horrified tone, "What kind of man becomes a a sperm donor?". She also told me I should never tell anyone and start talking about my ex-boyfriend alot so I could pretend that he was the father of the baby when I get pregnant.

Eric Schwartzman

Telling the truth and being selective can go hand in hand. My only advice is to remember that while you are the twins' mother their conception story can play as a much bigger part of who they are depending on how they process this info as they grow up. It's one thing for you to shrug off the comments of the town gossip but the twins will need to grow their own "hard shells' to any info out there on their conception.

Anyone that knows me and reads my blog knows I am not for hiding, lord knows my story and butt are hanging out there with their story, but at the same time my goals are to figure out how to help them understand and process this stuff. But in my case I am just another guy here in NYC where it's easier to yell loud and still go unnoticed.

Keep your sanity, be honest, but perhaps tailor your answers based on your surroundings. But I think you already know all this so I apologize if this sounds a bit much.

Regards, Eric


It is a hard balance. I keep on trying to work out where the line between privacy and secrecy lies. I have now told my friends and my family, and a lot of my friends and family have told their friends and family. And I think the news is leaking out slowly around the edges. But there are certain groups of people I haven't told: I have friends who are in religious groups which are against DI, or culturally would find it absolutely wierd, and I don't want this to be taken out on the children (particularly when in both these groups of friends single mothers are largely accepted). I have been warned by my best friend that I must speak positively about my choice in case it rubs off on the children (no more joking that my donor is a right wing extremist for example, which I do when I get nervous).
Like Eric, I am in a big metropolitan, cosmopolitan city where it is easy to find other like minded people. I come from a very liberal and supportive family. I am not living in a small minded town where the local gossip serves me milk in the morning.
I think what I'm trying to say is that it's very, very hard to strike a balance... to know what to tell people, and how and when.
I find, at least.


PS Cerridwen: What a useless friend! I hope you can ignore her...


Rock on, sister! (I don't have a story that relates, but I'm completely supportive of your decision!)


gosh it sounds like where I grew up!!! i'm finding that now that my 1st daughter is here and everyone knows i used a sperm donor, its kinda died out as a sideshow. but now, with everyone knowing i have no ovaries after the cancer....they are going to be shocked as hell when i end up pregnant. i still don't know how much info i'll give, thought it will be obvious i used two donors.
*sigh* the shit we have to put up with....eh?
calif huh? where? email me! gosh I'd love to meet another mom who used duel donor gametes someday!

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