Plan Z: Thanks for reading

Today is my birthday. I am 43. These are the happiest days of my life. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I’d be living this life. I think one of the best things about it is I am constantly catching myself smiling unconsciously, at something a baby is doing. They are just so unbelievably amazing. Every day is a new milestone and my God the FUN! We are having a blast right now.

My babies are very healthy, and growing, and thriving. Dylan has two teeth now, both are holding their own bottles and we are eating three solid meals a day. There is a lot of scooting and rolling, and crawling is only a few weeks away. Both bear weight on their legs, and Dylan stands for minutes while holding on to the coffee table. They are very happy babies. They just love each other and laugh and laugh at one another. One of the funniest things they do is to try to out rock each other when playing in the exersaucers. It is hilarious.

Of course life has its ups and downs, by far the best thing for me right now is being home and playing with them. But I still have to go to my dreary job three days a week. Also, we are not moving anytime soon. Christmas at the soonest. I just can’t make the numbers pencil out. But it is okay, we will do what we can to make this cave a home and baby friendly. Another down is that I have been very sick for almost a month. What I thought was allergies has become a serious case of bronchitis, in fact the doctor ordered me to rest unless I want pneumonia. I have just been going too hard for too long with not enough rest. But my online job contract is up next week, and after I get the house together, I am taking a few more weeks off and then will begin my studies as a medical transcriptionist. It seems like the most logical route to go to do what I want. I just wish I could buy a home before I leave my day job. But one day at a time. I can’t get myself worked up right now, I need to get better.

I am also very unsure as to where this blog is going. Whatever readership I still have is certainly quite small. I just don’t have time anymore to read all your wonderful blogs, comment, and post to my own in any creative way. I may be taking it down, changing the focus, or just keeping myspace for updates. If I do keep it or start a new blog, it will be largely political, since I have joined the campaign for the next president. Can you guess which candidate I am supporting? Hehe.

To be perfectly honest with you the fact that these are donor conceived children is not a big deal or a huge concern for me. Yet. It will be several years before I begin to explain to them how they came to be. In the meantime, it is just not an issue. Obviously I am very grateful to my egg donor. I think of her and thank her every day. But as for the donor issues out there in the world, I must be quite honest and selfishly say I simply don’t care enough right now to post about it. They are my children, I am their mother. It’s as simple as that. The fact that they are donor conceived is as about as much an issue as if they were adopted. I am much more interested in the fact that my baby boy hates peas and my pretty little girl loves being tickled on her neck. To me, these things are in the forefront right now.

I also have a completely different perspective on life now that I am a parent. Before I had my twins, I constantly worried about where my life was going. What was happening with my career? Would I ever meet Mr. Right? Where will I retire? Always, big projects and plans. Now, I completely live in the moment. And I have to tell you, it’s really the only way to live. I could care less about Mr. Right anymore. I do get lonely, but it just is not a major focus of my life AT ALL. And my career? I am ready for a complete change. The only kinds of things I care about are getting ready for lunch or naptime. Setting up my second crib. Taking the babies to the park so they can fall in love with the outdoors like I have. And playing. Playing, playing, playing! I get to have a second childhood, two times over.

I am also removing all the pictures. If you want to be updated, email me and I will give you myspace address, where all the pictures will be posted and updated. It is highly likely that myspace will also be set to private. I know it seems paranoid, but I am always one to err on the side of caution, even if it means getting the eyeroll from some people.

So this will be the last post for quite some time. Please comment or email me if you want to be updated on the new blog, or get access to myspace. Thanks for reading.

Comments

Hello. I've been wondering how you are doing. I am so glad you are so happy. So am I. My babies are also delightful. I am lucky enough to be in a position where I can be a stay at home mum for at least two years. I am so glad as I do not want to miss anything that they do. I would very much like the address to the place where you post your babies pictures, as I would like to see how they are doing now. Teeth! Holding themselves up! They sound so advanced!
Love, K

Posted by: katty | June 08, 2007 at 12:15 AM

I have read other bloggers that feel the way that you do. They have stopped their blog but left it up for others to read who may be on the same path. I have enjoyed reading your blog. You are funny and insightful. I think your story is wonderful. The fact that you are a mother now and that the DE thing is not a big deal...is great! I read many "closed" blogs when I started this process and it really did help me feel less alone. You have a unique situation because you used two donors, just like me. It's hard to find women who have been through that process. I know many women, from another board who are not willing to do that. Oh, what they will miss!! You have described it perfectly in this last post. I would love to know how the three of you are doing. You have provided me with support that I cannot fully explain. Thank you for that. I will probably never meet you or know you, but I wish you the very best.
Daisy

Posted by: Daisy | June 08, 2007 at 10:38 AM