Okay. The extreme fatigue is not going away. Neither are the emotional highs and lows. I thought I was adjusting, but now things are taking off in a way that makes me want to slow things down.
The good news is, these babies are really starting to become more and more real to me. So much so that I usually wish they were just here already. Why does this have to take so long? I still have not felt any kicks. But I find myself fantasizing about what they look like, playing with them, the birth. I'm so excited to hopefully find out I'm having boy/girl twins. Sometimes I feel so much joy I can almost forget what's about to happen to me.
The bad news is that I keep having panic attacks, I am so exhausted I can barely make it through a day at work, and every day I have crying jags that leave me drained. My sleep patterns are all over the map, preparation for things to come? I feel scared that something is wrong, they are too small, that I'm really depessed, that I'm going to battle post partum, up here in the foothills all alone with two babies. So scared that I'm not eating well enough, or something.
The ugly is that, well, speaking of fantasizing, the sex drive is completely out of control. Maybe TMI, but my God. If there were a man around he would be permanently chained to the bed naked 24-7. What is a single girl to do? Not an easy question to answer. I know my hormones are off the charts, but the question is, is this going to keep getting worse? It seems so. Nice.
Geez, I might as well start the countdown. We are sitting at 17w4d. Next appointment is not for another week and a half. By that time we will be halfway there. I'm getting bigger, last week I really popped out there. I just wish I weren't so bone-tired, and having these gut-wrenching crying spells. I still have a lot to do. I just don't have the energy to do anything but lie here, listen to thier hearts beating, and pray I live until November 26. Sorry I have been so out of touch. I'm trying to keep it together. Thanks for reading.